I was a first-grader with a secret. Same-sex attraction. There was no one for me to confide in back then in the 1970s. My father was a good man, a Baptist minister with a true desire to save the lost. Married to ministry, he was often absent from our home. I could not confide in him. My classmates were particularly cruel toward me because I was different from the other boys. Church folks weren't much nicer. They taught me that even God hated homosexuals. 

I started using drugs and drinking in high school as a way of fitting in. Then, when I turned 18, I embraced gay identity and culture. Over the next 25 years, drugs, alcohol, sex, and the study of the occult and New Age teachings became ways for me to numb my pain as I searched for answers. For years I was suicidal, depressed, and addicted to my vices.

When I was around 43 years old, I cried out to God. I did not believe that He loved me, but I was desperate. So I rededicated my life to Jesus Christ, joined a loving church, and was baptized. In that moment, all the mental torment left me. I was immediately at peace with myself and certain of my right-standing with God—who spoke these words to me: "You and I are good." That is when my journey truly began.

Over the following years, through the Holy Spirit and counseling, I addressed root issues of shame, trauma, rejection, and abuse in my life. Hearing the stories of other formerly gay-identified people was also a major help. The process of going back to my original design was painful but necessary to stop my destructive patterns of thinking and behavior.

Today, I am convinced that God loves me, and I know Him as a Father and friend. I am changed. He is the center of my attention. I live to please Him, not others. My passion is to invite others to have a personal relationship with Christ and to help people out of the bondage that I was in.

From Queer to Christ, Author & georgecarneal.com