TAMIKA STRICKLAND
“God continuously pursued me in love as I was trying to both engage in same-sex relationships and be in relationship with Him”
I came from abuse, abandonment, rejection, and drugs. From a young age, I was in constant search of someone to love me and take away my pain. I sought love and affection from women in part because of the abuse I experienced from my father. I engaged in unfulfilling relationships with deep-seated distrust of myself and others. I had low self-esteem and was in a continuous cycle of seeking others’ attention and love.
Because of this, my self-worth suffered. I felt ugly and couldn’t see beauty when I looked in the mirror. I began using drugs and alcohol to hide my pain and help suppress my confusion. I continued to be in relationships with women, rejecting my femininity and taking on a role that wasn’t mine. I got to a point where I joined a recovery group and stopped my substance use. For the first time, I saw how damaged my life really was. I felt like I was hit with a ton of bricks! I hit rock bottom in my desire for women, and in my desperation, turned toward God and cried out.
During this time, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. As I began to pray with her regularly, I noticed something was different. It wasn’t just the serenity prayer but an invitation into something more. After my mom passed away, I realized that women were also filling the role of motherhood in my life. I started attending a church, and it was here that my walk with Christ began. God continuously pursued me in love as I was trying to both engage in same-sex relationships and be in relationship with Him. I got to a place of repentance for my actions and surrender of my will.
I replaced all my men’s clothing with women’s. I got rid of old pictures that were keeping me in the past. I could tangibly see God transforming me, and in that process, He surrounded me with women of faith who encouraged and supported me in my journey. Falling in love with Jesus has a price, but as I see others’ obedience, I am humbled I can follow His will. I know I am being set apart for His purposes!