DAVID KYLE FOSTER
“The things that turned me on in men symbolized what I believed were absent in me.”
Before I pursued change in my sexuality, I was deeply involved in the gay lifestyle while working as an actor in Hollywood. It was a lonely existence because the gay community was obsessed with youth and beauty. The shallowness of it all was very disheartening. Relationships lasted a very short time. Love was more sex and romance than commitment.
As a young man, I was hit on by older men daily, sometimes violently. The corruption of youth and the blind eye that everyone else turned was deeply troubling to me. Like so many homosexuals, I went through hundreds of partners trying to find someone who was capable of actually loving me, and it just wasn’t there. We were all trying to fill a deep inner need that simply could not be found in gay relationships.
Before it was all over, the emptiness and shallowness of it all had made me suicidal, alcoholic, drug addicted, venereally diseased, and very, very jaded. The so-called committed relationships were highly touted, but in reality were non-existent. In every case I knew of, I discovered both partners regularly cheating on their lovers, sometimes with me. There were no exceptions.
For all these reasons, I finally decided to pursue change. The last straw was the day I went to a gay club and saw all the lonely old men sitting at the bar drunk out of their minds while the younger people, many of whom were underaged, laughed and partied like there was no tomorrow. The old men drank themselves into a stupor every night because they were no longer young and beautiful. And as a result, no one wanted them. The only sex they got was when they paid young teens to go to bed with them.
I decided then and there I was not going to end up like that. At the same time, my substance abuse and sex addiction were out of control because I was using them to cope with the pain that came with my lifestyle. So I gave it all up and begged God to rescue me. I found my salvation through faith-based resources and pursuing a personal relationship with God. I discovered that my homosexual drive stemmed from a need to find a missing father figure.
The things that turned me on in men symbolized what I believed were absent in me. And I was also afraid of sexually mature women, which stemmed from several bad experiences with women during my youth.
After leaving the gay lifestyle and receiving healing for these underlying issues, my fea of women went away. My desire for a father figure was replaced with God being my father. As the brokenness was healed, my addictions simply went away because the pain that drove them was healed. And I finally was able to see myself complete as a man without trying to extract masculinity from other men.
As a result, my unhealthy copying mechanisms went away. The alcohol, the drugs, the sexual addiction and the suicidal thoughts all vanished. I’ve never been healthier in my life, and I would never go back to such a destructive life. In short, I was rescued from an early death and a very lonely, horrible life.
David Kyle Foster’s Ministry - Mastering Life Ministries