CHRIS SCHRADER
“It started with experiencing God’s Love.”
"...It started with experiencing God's Love."
When I was three years old my parents divorced. My father was distant, passive in his display of affection. My struggling mother tried the best she could to raise me. Life was stressful, and the eventual confusion of same-sex attraction just added shame and loneliness. I needed help. I was a professing Christian, but routine church attendance didn't acquaint me with a savior, so I self-medicated with pornography, masturbation, and sexual encounters with the same sex. I gave in to my urges, hoping to find relief and fulfillment, but that actually made everything worse.
Keeping up my facade began wearing on me. Being someone else is hard work. I needed to release the pressure of pretending. So I "came out" during my freshman year in high school. It was a huge decision that I suffered for. Bullying became common, and there was one episode that was quite severe. I thought about ending my life after that. But right in the middle of my storm, a gentle, inner-voice said , "There is more." It was the voice of my Savior. That was my turning point. I didn't know what to do, but I knew that I had another option and that God saw me.
Doing life with my pastors and godly community and actively following Jesus Christ are ultimately what healed and changed me. A major transformation took place within two years. I began to experience my masculinity in an entirely new way. I became aware of the way I carried myself, and I worked towards walking in the way that God created me to be. My mannerisms, fashion sense, and even the way I spoke all changed. The change happened on the inside first, and it started with experiencing God's love.
I have been out of that lifestyle for five years now, and the Lord continues transforming me into the man I am called to be.