DEBORA BARR
“As I would see things in the Bible, I began to apply them to my life; God was transforming me from the inside out.”
Growing up, I was a bit of a tomboy. Uninterested in girly things, I enjoyed playing softball, working on cars, and building things with my father. During my teen years, I experienced a deeply hurtful betrayal by a boyfriend and a family member that initiated a season of depression, substance abuse, and suicidal ideation. During this time, I also turned away from God and began to experience feelings of same-sex attraction. In college, after being sexually harassed and assaulted by two different men, I began to dress in a more masculine way to avoid attracting the attention of men.
After college, I went into the Army to serve as a helicopter pilot, and shortly thereafter, I entered my first lesbian relationship. When God drew me back into relationship with Him, I had lived for 18 years as a lesbian and had been in three different long-term relationships. Had God not nudged me to return to church with my partner in 2003, my life may have continued on that trajectory. But after participating in a small-group study using The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, I felt prompted to surrender my life to Jesus. I was baptized that November, but the change in my sexual orientation didn’t yet occur.
Hungry for the truth, I delved into scripture and began reading it daily. As I would see things in the Bible, I began to apply them to my life; God was transforming me from the inside out. The more I studied, the more I fell in love with Jesus.
Two years later, God convicted me and my partner that living as lesbians was sin, and not God’s best for our lives. We both made the decision to walk away from homosexuality. One of the scriptures that I stood on during that time was Luke 9:23: “Then he (Jesus) said to them all: ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.’” I realized I wanted Jesus more than I wanted my old life.
The transformation took about five years from the time I walked away from that last relationship, but little by little I began to feel like the woman who God created me to be instead of the masculinized person I had become. As I began to look and act more feminine, I slowly became more comfortable with men being attracted to me, until I eventually found I liked it. I was aided in my transformational journey by Bible study with women in my church in West Virginia and books like A Strong Delusion by Joe Dallas and Out of Egypt by Jeannette Howard.
My life couldn’t be more different today. I love being a woman, and I’m even attracted to men. I know who I am and whose I am. God created me with a purpose, and after straying away from God for so many years, I am now fulfilling my purpose by leading and equipping others in ministry as an Associate Pastor at my church. I earned a Master of Divinity in 2020 and am currently pursuing my Doctor of Ministry degree. Before that, I wrote discipleship materials and created a ministry based on how God worked in my life.
Today I am secure in who God created me to be and do not concern myself with what others think about the way I dress or how I look. God created me uniquely, and I aim to please Him above all others. I have such peace knowing that I am a child of the most high God and that nothing can separate me from His love.
DBarr Ministries: dbarrministries.org