JANAEVA SWANIGAN
“I became part of a family—something foreign, yet beautiful that transformed me over time.Love transformed me.”
"Love transformed me."
I was not raised in a Christian home. I was raised in a storm, with no father to call me his own or protect me from the predators that broke my spirit. I had so much pain inside that a mask wasn't enough to conceal it. Becoming another person altogether was my escape.
I grew into a "stud"—a dominant lesbian. I tried to be everything that I lacked growing up: a protector and a strong male presence. I found a sense of fulfillment in providing those attributes to the women that I dated.
Eventually I got tired. The years passed, along with several failed relationships and seasons of depression. What once satisfied my soul was no longer enough, and so I found myself sitting in a church with my girlfriend. I was searching, wondering what God thought about homosexuality. After the service, the pastor took me through the Scriptures and answered my questions. That was the first time in my life that I felt conviction. I was no longer comfortable living as a "stud" after that. I became aware of my emptiness and of the tugging on my heart. God was calling.
Two years later, after further heartbreak and failed relationships, I answered His call. I had been living at a shelter in another state, when an elderly woman who would often visit invited me to church with her. It was there that I heard the gospel preached and experienced God's love through the congregation. I continued attending services each week, and one day I decided to surrender my life to Jesus Christ and get baptized! I blossomed from then on.
That church became my biggest support and source of community. I never would have imagined that being my reality. There I was, fully integrated with a congregation—living accountably, receiving godly counsel, and being covered by powerful prayers. I became part of a family—something foreign, yet beautiful that transformed me over time. Love transformed me.
Today I am free, joyfully embracing my womanhood. I cling to Jesus Christ, the one who has my greatest affections. I have found myself, my identity, in Him, and His peace reigns in my heart and mind.