JANIYAH CASTLE
“Because I’m able to see myself as the Lord sees me, the desires of my heart have changed.”
Growing up, I was riddled with insecurity. Though I was raised in a loving, caring family, I never felt confident in who I was, except when it came to athletics. Unlike other girls my age, I enjoyed sports, shoes, and other interests that felt more masculine, so I was dubbed a tomboy at an early age. With a physical build and a voice somewhat deeper than most girls, I was often told I looked like a boy. This perception created an inner conflict and controlled the way I saw myself, eventually birthing same-sex attraction. Then, around the age of 9, I was exposed to pornography. A simple exposure soon led to an addiction, and ultimately compounded my same-sex attraction, which continued through high school.
Because I wasn't comfortable sharing my struggles with anyone, I kept my pain to myself. As a result, I repeatedly fell into the same sexual sin and the same corrupted mindset with no way out. Though I didn't want to have these feelings, I couldn't get free from either the porn or the same-sex attraction. I felt so confused, and I didn't know where to turn. Eventually, as the burden of my sin and the stronghold of pornography became too heavy to carry, I cried out to the Lord. Over time, He delivered me from the power the attractions and the sin had over my life as he taught me who I am in Him… a new creation with the mind of Christ. Along with the Bible (Psalm 139 in particular), video testimonies by Jackie Hill Perry and sermons by John Piper (DesiringGod.org) were instrumental in helping me find freedom, truth, and identity. Thanks to the power of the Holy spirit, I now have hope, strength, and self-control. Today I experience my femininity as a gift from God that I want to embrace. I am his beloved daughter, loved and accepted in every area of my life. Because I’m able to see myself as the Lord sees me, the desires of my heart have changed. Before Jesus saved me, I was not living--at all. But now, I'm alive in Christ.