JESUS E. CARBONELL
“Honestly, I didn’t want to be a ‘trans woman’; I wanted to be a real woman.”
Born in Colombia, I grew up in a dysfunctional family where emotional violence and physical aggression were normal. My home environment was devoid of values and limits, an extremely dangerous place for a child. I was six years old when I was first sexually molested, and abusive encounters with men (who were close to the family) continued for years.
In the absence of meaningful relationships, I never experienced the unconditional love I needed as a child. As I grew older, I began, without understanding, to mentally distort and sexualize my affections. I embraced a homosexual lifestyle at the age of 17, and because I’d always wanted to be like my sister and my aunts, I eventually took a turn toward “transgenderism,” occasionally dressing as a woman.
Life continued like this until I was in my late 30s. That's when I met a transgender woman—a man who identified as a woman. We spent a great deal of time together, and within months, I too began identifying as a woman. Like many friends, I began attending support groups that helped people psychologically prepare for feminizing surgeries. Shortly thereafter, I underwent mesotherapy injections (to shrink my waist and body fat), a facelift, and received butt implants. At first, I was happy with the changes, but my new identity did not fit my concept of a woman. Honestly, I didn’t want to be a “trans woman;” I wanted to be a real woman. I began to experience cycles of depression so severe that I often wished I was dead. My days were purposeless, and I struggled to find true inner fulfillment. My same-sex relationships only gave me fleeting moments of pleasure, and, honestly, they felt empty. I had hoped the “gender transition” would bring the fulfillment I’d longed for, but ultimately, I realized all my efforts had been in vain. To make matters worse, my butt implants became encapsulated, and I fell deathly ill with Hepatitis C and cirrhosis of the liver as a result of years of unbridled alcohol and drug use. When the doctors informed me there was nothing they could do to help me, I became bitter and very angry with God. I had asked Him countless times to remove my same-sex attraction; however, my prayers had not been answered. At least not yet.
I was literally on my deathbed in 2010, seemingly without hope, when the light of the Lord began to penetrate my world. Change began when my mother and my sister came to see me. My mother wanted to attend church, so I contacted a friend who had been inviting me to visit her church for three years. Although I was terribly sick, I decided to go along. My body was so swollen from liver failure that I could not even sit down during the service. Noticing my condition, several of the church members encouraged me to go to the altar for prayer. As they anointed me with oil and prayed for me, my healing began, not only physically but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually as well. After this experience, I began to meet with many Christians from the church. They embraced me and loved me unconditionally, and gradually, my body and my spirit began to heal. I also began to identify once again as a man. Six months later, I got baptized in the name of Jesus. Almost immediately, I began to look and feel like the real person God created me to be. I knew Jesus had given me a new life and had made me whole in His love. I began to experience a confidence that I had never felt before. My transformation was radical; His power literally lifted me from my deathbed, healed me, and restored me from all my wounds. Today, 13 years later, I am living free and restored, and I’m hopeful for the future. In fact, I’d like to marry and have children.
Had someone offered me caring and unconditional support when I was a young person, along with God's biblical truths concerning sexuality, my story may have been different. That’s why today I lead the ministry Transformed by Jesus Christ, which offers loving and unconditional support to those in pain over same-sex attraction and educates family members, friends, pastors, and the church at large. We offer a program that raises awareness through education of emotions and spiritual freedom, edifying Christians to walk in freedom from sexual trauma and addictions through the power of the Holy Spirit. We also help family members and mothers who call for guidance.
Jesus’s Ministry: Transformed by Jesus Christ www.rutaeste.com/ruta-11