I started having homosexual desires in high school and began acting on them when I was 17. For many years, I hid them from my family and friends because I felt so much shame and guilt about them, which came from a deep feeling I had personally that I wasn’t meant to live a homosexual lifestyle. I was living a double life, and it tormented me.
I lived that way for years, dating girl after girl and hiding it from everyone I cared about. I ended up marrying a man whom I loved dearly as a human, but was not in love with. Then I cheated on him with a woman. After that happened, I was basically forced to come out with the life I was choosing to live. The people close to me accepted me and were supportive although I felt in my heart that they believed, as I did deep down, that my lifestyle wasn’t good for me. Going from relationship to relationship, I was never at peace in my heart, and I finally hit rock bottom when one of my girlfriends cheated on me.
At that point, I realized that I was in a vicious cycle of relationships that weren’t fulfilling for me. Even though everyone around me supported my lifestyle and told me it was OK, I felt deeply convinced that I needed to make big changes if I wanted different results in my life.
I became so desperate that I finally decided to surrender everything about the way I had been living and ask for God’s help. From that moment on, the heaviness I had been living in for many years was lifted. I began reading different books about sexuality and what the Bible says about it. I also attended seminars and met with a priest who helped me process sexuality through a faith-based perspective. I also committed not to date at all for a time. These things brought peace to my heart that I had been searching for, and for the first time, my life felt full, like I was living out my true identity.
It was not easy to stop acting on my same-sex desires, but I had the support I needed to choose not to. In contrast to what most people would think, I actually found great freedom in putting up those boundaries for myself. I am also now free from the anxiety, depression, and duplicity that were continually present in my past lifestyle. I now walk in an authenticity that I didn’t know was possible.
Kim’s heart also overflows with joy and love for children in Ethiopia. Visit her ministry at www.UnforgottenFaces.org