I was molested twice as a young child, and my same-sex attraction started at age 7. While I asked Jesus to come into my life at 13, I was secretly diving into pornography and masturbation, and I just wanted these to end.
At 18, my first marriage began, and our first son was born a year later. While my goal was to be the best mother and wife that I could be, my hidden life remained, and I became depressed during my second pregnancy. Our marriage had also been compromised by our own individual porn addictions. Wanting to make a better life for us, I started college. However, not long after our third son arrived, I completed my degree in nursing and entered the US Army as a Nurse Officer. Since same-sex behavior was not allowed in the service, I turned to sex addiction.
As my military career took over, I found myself in a second marriage, which was more difficult than the first but had another son and daughter while working as a Critical Care Nurse.
Still, I became very depressed and wanted to hurt myself. I tried psychiatric help, but nothing seemed to address the deep shame of my same-sex attraction, molestation, and my sex addict behavior. As a result, I left my second husband and children.
At this point, I had been fighting same-sex attraction for 34 years and had all kinds of excuses. My favorite excuse became, I cannot help myself; I was made this way. However, excuses did not pull my life up from a downward spiral. But one day I picked up my dusty Bible and turned to Psalm 51:10: “Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me.” This became an anthem for me, and I went to see a friend to have him pray for me. When he did, I felt my heart change.
With counseling, prayer, and reading the Bible, my life started over. My children came back into my life, and I am now currently married to Joe, my loving husband of 23 years. I have never felt so whole. My life as a wife and mother, without sex addiction or lesbian attractions, is more fulfilling than I ever could have imagined.