From the outside, my life looked pretty perfect. I was attending a private university and was in a long-term relationship with a guy. But inside, I was growing more and more depressed, with a huge sense of emptiness. I felt confused and unsatisfied, so I began to question my sexuality.
My senior year of college I began a lesbian relationship with a woman. At first I thought, This is what I’ve been looking for my whole life, but then I experienced a lot of internal conflict between feeling like it was right, and a nagging sense that it was wrong. I felt a lot of shame, and I had no peace. Our relationship was very intense, but short-lived. She ended things quickly, and I was devastated.
At that point it felt like all my relationships had come crashing down on me, and I reached my lowest point. I felt like I was dying inside. So, I began to ask God for help and look for help externally, as well.
I was nervous to tell my mom and twin sister that I thought I was gay because they were Christians and I thought they would respond harshly. Instead, they both responded by saying, “We don’t think this is God’s best for you, but we love you, anyway.” My sister invited me to a Christian conference, and I went with her. While I was there, I came to believe that just because I felt something, that didn’t make it right.
I began to read books and web pages about healthy sexuality, which were very helpful in providing me with a private way to get information that I needed since I still felt a lot of shame in the beginning. I then joined a local ministry helping people deal with unwanted sexual attractions. That ministry provided support for me in my process by helping me deal with brokenness in my family and helping me to extend forgiveness. A part of that ministry was joining a paid support group, where I learned how to build healthy relationships. I also sought counseling, and attended conferences. Each of those things was instrumental in my healing process.
My life today is 100 times better than it was then. About five years after deciding I wanted to come out of a homosexual lifestyle, I met Garry, who is now my husband. We have been married 11 years, and we have two children. My husband and I have a great sex life, and my level of same-