RODGER GASKIN
“The resources I sought gave me a vision and hope that real change was possible.”
I was born “that way,” or at least that is the way it felt. For most of my life I was only sexually attracted to men. While I longed for both emotional and sexual intimacy with a man, I also felt as though I didn’t belong with other men and that I was a foreigner. At the same time, most of my life I have been surrounded by men who valued and pursued non-sexual relationships with me. They didn’t see me as an outsider or as less-than. Many of them knew I struggled with homosexuality, but this didn’t deter them from caring for me. Yet I couldn’t connect with them. I was deeply uncomfortable with them while longing to be with them.
In my 20s, I started to explore ways to better integrate my faith and sexuality. I began reading books on the topic, and I attended a conference for people with unwanted sexual attractions.
I saw a therapist and worked on many issues, including childhood trauma and depression. And I spent time, often at these conferences or other gatherings, with men and women who had experienced significant change in their sexual orientation.
These resources gave me a vision and hope that real change was possible and that it wasn’t a fraudulent claim. At the core of all of this has been a belief that God’s power is real and active today. With this, I have a personal commitment to the belief that sexual relationships are intended to be expressed between a man and a woman only.
At this point in my life, I have experienced magnificent change in the quality of my life. The greatest change has been in how I relate to other men. While I previously felt like an outsider and like I didn’t belong, I am now very comfortable in my relationships with other men.
Amazingly, I also find myself sexually attracted to women; what an oddly wonderful experience. With this, there has been a change in my sexual attraction towards men. The more comfortable and closer I have come relationally with other men, the less sexual attraction I have for men.
As I have addressed areas of confusion, trauma, and fear, the power of homosexual desire has lessened. My attention has gone from dealing with the attraction itself to dealing with the root issues behind it. The overall quality of my life has improved, and I am confident and secure in who I am as a human who is fully male. I continue to grow as a man and as a follower of Jesus.