ROSS ALEXANDER
“I pursued change because I realized nothing in my life was real. I was self-absorbed and lived like the world revolved around me..”
My life before I pursued change in my sexuality shifted when I left Minnesota for Los Angeles. I had no idea what was to become of my life, and I did not yet know God. When I first got to LA, I emerged from the sheltered protective cocoon of my Minnesota life and began to live a same- sex promiscuous lifestyle. I started to drink and take drugs, as well—all things I'd never dare to do back in my rural Midwest hometown. I began to dress sensually, wear makeup and become very feminine in my movements and speech. Profanity was my second language. I became a male escort to make money, which I quickly got used to. Even outside of my escorting work, I remained promiscuous, joining in all sorts of same-sex activities. All my friends at that time were drinking companions and we only had a relationship through alcohol, drugs, and complaining. I was completely submerged into a homosexual life-style.
I pursued change because I realized nothing in my life was real. I was self-absorbed and lived like the world revolved around me. My family was not my priority. There was so much pain and temporary happiness in my homosexual lifestyle. I was always chasing a feeling. The happiness lasted until the hangover the next morning. Because of my reliance on my feelings, I was constantly engaging with thoughts of depression, anxiety, and unworthiness. Satan realized how often I counted my feelings as truth, and took advantage of that. I would become bedridden for days. I hit rock-bottom when I knowingly had sex with a "client" who had a wife and two children. It was during this time I began to work at a coffee shop.
The new job was a set-up by the Lord to reach me because four of my coworkers were Christians. Working at the coffee shop was truly all God. I was on Craigslist searching for work, and this coffee shop was the only place that replied back. I went to church with my new fellow baristas, accepted Christ into my heart and life, and fell in love with God and with Bible study. I later moved back to rural Minnesota, where conservative values were all around. Making that move has been a huge blessing as I basically moved away from the constant temptation. There is a biblical divide of masculinity and femininity there that makes it easier for me to stay on track. I have stopped wearing makeup and quit all of my previous crutches. My priorities became centered around my Rock, Jesus Christ. My primary resources for growth were and are God, my Bible study, my new friends, and the Jackie Hill Perry sermons.
God continues to touch me through other people. He sets me up to meet just the right person at just the right time. These relationships show me more of who He is. One of the most important learned aspects of who I am in Him is that I was created to worship Him. I learned there’s a word in Hebrew called avodah. Avodah means “worship,” but more so “to work and serve God.” That means in all things I worship Him, with every part of my being—not just through singing but when I’m doing yard work or making coffee for the customers. I found that worship keeps my mind off things I shouldn’t dwell on. I also learned to let God into my sexual desires. He showed me that He created sex as a gift. I came to understand that He already knows my innermost thoughts and struggles, so why not just give them to Him? Whenever I struggled with masturbation or pornography, I invited God in. Every time I invite Him into my moments of temptation, He overwhelms me with purity and wholeness.
What started to emerge in my life was a pure love for all of humanity and for myself. It’s been so amazing to think that I can be friends with other men without having the motive of sex. I’m in awe that it was God's plan that I be surrounded by male friends. My name “Ross Alexander” actually means “promontory; defender of men.” (There is so much anointing in our birth names.) I’ve recently had a friend speak into my life related to my identity, which filled me with truth and hope. He had a vision of me as a father with children running around me. The cool thing was he didn’t know any part of my testimony. I’ve now come so far away from that old life that most people don’t even know the struggles I used to have.
The way I view women is more pure, as well. I always had lots of women friends in my life and so have been comfortable surrounded by them, but I had never actually considered their authority, their nurturing, their strength, or their relentless love. I am currently in Haiti with a team full of women. The way they walk in their authority with grace is awe-inspiring. I praise God for what He brought me through because it gave me a wholesome and pure look at my male and female relationships and healed me from a bondage I could have never overcome without Jesus. He is my priority now.