SUMMER CONLEY
“I started seeing myself as a loved daughter and child of God. This perspective shift empowered me to see myself as the woman God created me to be. I realized the self-rejection I had carried for so long was not what God had for me.”
As a young girl, I didn’t feel feminine. Things like dresses, doing nails or wearing makeup didn’t interest me. Boys weren’t an interest either. I knew I was a girl and my intention wasn’t to identify as a boy, but I found it hard to embrace my femininity. When I was 10, I was molested by a family member, furthering my disinterest and discomfort with male peers. Therefore, in high school, I cut my hair short and began embracing an androgynous expression of self. It was around this time that I started smoking and drinking. This led to substance use and partying, causing me to miss school and eventually leading me to drop out my junior year of high school.
I had my first girlfriend at 18 and continued to reject my femininity. I believed I was supposed to take on the “male” role in the relationship, knowing at that point that I would never get married and if I did, I would probably never have children. I dated women for close to a decade before proposing to the last girlfriend I had. We ended up not going through with it and during that process, I was invited by a co-worker to go to church. I wasn’t raised in church and never heard the gospel. Three months later, I took them up on the invitation, heard the gospel at 29 years old, and surrendered my life to God that day, June 28, 2020.
Before giving my life to Christ, I was anxious, depressed and lonely. I continued to go to church twice a week, sometimes taking my girlfriend. At church, I was learning what it meant to be a follower of Jesus and began reading my bible. My girlfriend and I eventually broke up, and I knew I needed help. I was afraid initially because I felt shame for the things in my past and the life I had been living. I knew I had to change not just for me but for the Lord who had forgiven me of all my sins. How could I keep living like that after everything He did for me?
I had resisted a relationship with God and yet He still loved me. I started seeing myself as a loved daughter and child of God. This perspective shift empowered me to see myself as the woman God created me to be. I realized the self-rejection I had carried for so long was not what God had for me. I began to slowly pursue embracing my femininity through different means of self-love. I made the decision to grow my hair out, I took the plugs out of my stretched ears, and I started wearing things that affirmed my female identity. I finally began to see beauty in myself and believe in who I was as a woman!
Today, I am happily married to my husband who is my best friend. I have known him half of my life, he is the only man I have been with, and we just had our first born child. The Lord has blessed me beyond measure with things I never thought were possible. My life has done a 360 degree turn, I have been sober for a year and a half, and I have happily embraced the woman God intended me to be.