WARREN HOLMES
“I now know I was never gay, even though I lived the lifestyle and all that came with being an addict. Today, nothing stops me from being all who Jesus has made me to be.”
I grew up in a protestant family in South Africa and attended primary school at a Dominican convent. The gospel was not taught in our home. Instead, we were sent to Sunday school each weekend while the adults were in hangover recovery. Despite the lack of spirituality at home, I had an encounter with the Lord when I was 9. During a Friday morning mass, I actually had a vision, but it took 13 years for me to understand that what I had experienced was an actual call to ministry. At that time in Afrikaans culture, homosexuality was considered taboo, but it was nonetheless alive and well under the cover of darkness.
Shortly after my vision experience, a male family member decided to teach me about male love and porn. He continued to abuse me until I was 14, which left me assuming that I must be gay. Little did I understand that this was a lie. Sadly, I perpetuated the abuse by stealing from other boys what had been stolen from me. Many lives were damaged by my games of manipulation and deception. Beyond sexual gratification, sex was a power game to me. I felt untouchable, unstoppable, yet lonely. Full of rage and hatred, I turned to drugs and the occult at age 13 as payback to a God who I felt had abandoned me and rejected me.
By the time I graduated from high school, I was advancing in the occult. Even after joining the military, I continued pursuing witchcraft and eventually graduated to Warlock status. That’s when the Lord began to disrupt the enemy’s plans for my life. At the age of 22, I had an encounter with God two mornings in a row. I will never forget the sensation of all the hair on my body standing on end, hearing God’s audible and powerful voice warning me that if I persisted in doing what I was doing, he would hand me over to the deeds and their consequences. So consumed with hatred and rebellion, I disregarded the warning and dove deeper into sex, drugs, and rock’n’roll . Shortly after I left the army, I actually overdosed, died, and went straight to hell. I remember begging for another chance as blackness started seeping in from every perceivable direction.
A few short months later, a girl I was fond of invited me to a little church in Jeffreys Bay, South Africa. After being nagged for weeks, I agreed to go. That night, on February 22, 1988, I got saved, and my life began to radically change. Back then there were no support groups, no courses to help me sort through my experiences. I remember trying to initiate conversation with pastors and leaders only to be rejected. So with Jesus, Holy Spirit, and the Bible, I began my journey to wholeness. I attended Bible school and Psalmody (an internationally acclaimed worship leaders’ academy), and within seven years I began feeling like I was my true self. I had also begun to have feelings for women, and at age 30, I married my wife, Lynda, and today we have four children.
I now know I was never gay, even though I lived the lifestyle and all that came with being an addict. Today, nothing stops me from being all who Jesus has made me to be. The journey was long and tough, but I couldn’t be happier. I take great joy in my work as a full time Life Coach Minister, helping others find freedom in Jesus.