DEAN GREER
“I realized I was never going to get the identity or affirmation from any of the men I was with. I never felt alone.”
I was very insecure as a boy. When I was eight, I was introduced to child sex play by a male friend. My emotional longings became sexualized, and I began longing for more sexual encounters. I wasn’t very athletic and was ostracized in school, called names like “gay” and “fag”. I decided that it must be true because after all, I was sexually attracted to other males.
I knew my family and community wouldn’t condone a homosexual identity, so I hid it and moved away to join the Navy. Suddenly, what had been a source of shame was celebrated. I was popular and no longer the ostracized man. I went from one homosexual relationship to another.
After about two years, I was diagnosed with HIV on a ship-wide screening. It was 1989, and I was 21. I was told I had 10 more years left. It forced me to reexamine my life, and I realized I was never going to get the identity or affirmation from any of the men I was with. All they wanted was the sex. I never felt more alone in the world.
I went home and told my family I was gay and HIV positive. I anticipated rejection, but they were very loving. I met with a family friend who had also experienced same-sex attraction. He was now married with three kids and no longer living homosexually. I believed that I was born the way I was. But I resolved to give God an opportunity to show me a different way forward.
I went to a therapist who helped me understand how my childhood had distorted the development of my identity as a man. I joined faith-based support groups and programs that gave me tools for living an empowered life. Reading books also gave me practical ways to walk out my new identity. Several of them gave me strength and clarity.
With my homosexual past and HIV, I never thought a woman would want me or that I’d ever have children. I've been married now for 26 years to my beautiful wife, Crystal. And my son Jeremiah turned 15 this year. I'm so grateful I didn't settle for less than what I hoped was possible.
Desert Stream Ministries: www.desertstream.org.