ELIAS MACKISSACK
“As I grew to know Jesus on a deep, personal level, gradually, he began to restore my identity. ”
I grew up in a Christian home in Mexico, and from an early age, I struggled with my masculinity. The men in our culture were hyper masculine, and from the beginning, I felt I didn’t fit in. I was the creative, sensitive kid who liked Barbies, played dress up, and sucked at sports and video games. By the time I was 6, I knew I was attracted to men, but thanks to my upbringing, I also had an awareness that homosexuality was wrong. When I was 13, however, I secretly began my first sexual relationship, which lasted for three years. Still hiding my same-sex attraction, I was baptized at 15 in hopes that God would set me free because I knew I was leading a double life. During those years, I felt at war with myself because I knew what the Bible said about sexual purity, yet I believed the lie that being a Christian would mean I couldn’t be “my true self.” It wasn’t until I was 16, and my secret life was discovered by my family, that I began to feel true conviction for how I was living. For the next two years I struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts. Addicted to pornography and masturbation, I was lonely, lost, and had no idea who I was. Always anxious, I focused on everything that was “wrong” with me, believing that there was no way out. I was trying to do God’s work by my own strength, and that was exhausting. I always knew freedom was possible; I just didn’t know what that looked like. But God kept knocking on the door to my heart, until, at age 18, I totally surrendered my life to him and allowed him to tell me who I was. As I grew to know Jesus on a deep, personal level, gradually, he began to restore my identity. During that time, I attended a discipleship training school with Youth with A Mission and participated in RTF (Restoring the Foundations) Ministry. Honestly, I don’t know exactly how or when it happened, but one day I noticed I was no longer the same; I was no longer gay. Today, I know who I am, because the only one who can dictate my identity is Jesus. I’m confident that I am a son of God, and that I am a man! I’m no longer concerned with the way others see me. God’s opinion of me is the only one that matters.