JASON MAXWELL
“My surrender was the beginning of a transformational, intimate, and abiding relationship with Christ and His Spirit.”
As the youngest of three boys, I often found myself feeling alone and rejected by my brothers and male peers. I struggled to make friends with other boys but found it easy to connect with girls. I was sexually abused as a child, and I remember, as a very young boy, desiring sexual intimacy and being aroused by guys on TV, in magazines, and occasionally in real life. My teenage years were particularly difficult because, while I wanted to have a girlfriend, I experienced feelings of rejection if I initiated anything beyond friendship.
In college, I became suicidal because I couldn’t reconcile my attractions with my Christian faith and my desire to marry and have a family. Nor did I want to bring shame upon my family. At the point of suicide, however, God intervened, impressing upon my heart that if I killed myself, the devil would win. Because I saw no way to escape my same-sex attractions, I took God’s rescue as his approval of my desires, and I came out to my family and friends at age 19. Desiring the closest thing to a marriage and family as I could get, given my sexual attractions, I turned my attention to finding a life partner.
I eventually met a young man with whom I would spend the next 11 years. During this time, we attended an all-gay church for several years before moving on to a non-denominational church. I was focused on building a successful career, and by age 32, I owned the largest home staging and design company in Texas. I was gay, successful, and happy by all worldly standards. With a thriving business and personal life, I wasn’t looking for change.
But God had other plans for me. On May 23, 2010, I had a radical experience of God, who poured His love into me in such a way that my life was forever changed. For the first time in my life, I experienced true love. “Are you ready to follow me now?” I heard God say. “Your eternal life is in jeopardy.” Within three weeks of that experience, I walked away from my partner, started the process of closing my business, and relocated from Dallas, Texas, to Centerton, Arkansas, to begin a journey of self-discovery. Ready to do life His way, I repented of my sexual behaviors and began actively attending the church where I had my God encounter.
My surrender was the beginning of a transformational, intimate, and abiding relationship with Christ and His Spirit. For the next four months, I continually sought the Lord to understand what my new identity in Him was supposed to look like. During this time, I began to believe that I could be attracted to, fall in love with, and marry a woman. In December of 2011, I married my beautiful wife Sarah, and today, we have three amazing daughters, Hollyn, Emelyn, and Gracyn. As a family we are actively involved in our local church and homeschooling community. Being a father has changed my understanding of God, masculinity, and sonship. While many of my mannerisms, and interests in art and creativity remain the same, I no longer view masculinity as something toxic to avoid. I’m blessed to have solid friendships with men who are brothers in Christ. In 2015 Sarah and I started Flames2Fire Ministries, which is dedicated to discipling those with unwanted same-sex attractions. We also serve as a resource to churches around the country to help educate leadership and parents on how to walk alongside members and kids who struggle with sexual brokenness.
Jason’s Ministry, Flames2Fire Ministries: flames2fire.com