I didn't want to be attracted to other guys, but I was, and that was really frustrating for me. Regardless of my convictions and inner conflict, I began a lifestyle of homosexuality for eight years. I was so conflicted inside that entire time, and I never truly got the happiness or relief that I was hoping for. There was an ever-present emptiness inside of me that no partner could heal. I abused drinking and drugs to quiet my feelings of shame and to numb my deep, spiritual pain. Still, the void inside my heart opened its jaws ever-wider. I was being eaten from the inside out, and in desperation I became suicidal like many others unfortunately have.

That was the most depressing time of my life, yet God remained good to me and saved me from death several times. I recognized He was fighting for my life even when I was not, and that caused me to want to know Him. I started reading the Bible in my room and singing to Him as a way of expressing my love and hunger. Along the way, I began experiencing Him as a loving father and His love has never stopped. Through Him, I have learned that it doesn't matter who I am attracted to, or what I am tempted by. I am not my attractions or feelings, and am in no way obligated to live by them. I continue to experience Him as a father. I don't believe that I am defined by my temptations. I choose to follow God, no matter what I feel, and to love Him with my whole heart. He is worth my entire life.